all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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