I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
