so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
