They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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