walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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