guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
