Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
