i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
