guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
