Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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