On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize