girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
