I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
