my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
