the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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