she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
