Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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