So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
