I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
