How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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