As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
