We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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