Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
