On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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