What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
