this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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