Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
