I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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