But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
