There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
