at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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