Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
