me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
