is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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