Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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