I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Four minutes until I can fart!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Randomize