The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
