there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
