Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
