he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
