her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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