Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
