I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
