he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
