I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
