you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize