so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
