how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
