wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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