Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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