i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
