I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I still have a little drunk in my system
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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