Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
