No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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