I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
