pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
