No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
