had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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