I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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