your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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