Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Non-Jews are for practice
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize