Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
