Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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