Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize