you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
