I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
