There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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