the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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