where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
