is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
