i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
