if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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