I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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