I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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