i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize