So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
