why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
