we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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