I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Randomize
