Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
