are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
