Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
