I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
