You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I woke up under a house in Key West
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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