you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My pussy is not your playground.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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