hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
